She Doesn’t Know

By: Kathleen Lochlear
Photo Credit: Creative Commons 

You know that feeling when your hot with fever but your sweat is as cold as the grave? Your hands clammy and eyes looking everything like a skittish animal? That’s how I felt. But she was oblivious, had no idea of my plight. Her smile could light up the world, her eyes the color of rich chocolate, but she still had no idea. She didn’t know what I know, what I have known for weeks. You would think that knowing for so long would make it be easier,  but in reality it only makes you panic more. So many things could go wrong, everything would have to go absolutely right, and yet she has no idea. A turning point in my life, and she has no idea. The darkness surrounding us was oppressing, and yet the stars shine, them also unknowing of what would happen. How could I blame them? I hadn’t told anyone except one, and he had smiled reassuringly and told me it would be okay. How could he know? The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was little reassurance, the quiet mumbling of the other couples only making me feel more isolated. There was only a minute left. Only a minute more to escape while there was still time. But as I looked over at her, her smile shining and her hand gripping mine, still completely oblivious yet happy anyways, I knew there was no going  back, and to be honest I didn’t want to. The seconds ticked by, and as the fireworks explode around us, I went down to one knee, taking the small box out of my pocket as she turns towards me and covers her mouth in shock, small tears forming in her eyes. I smile shyly and say four simple words, “will you marry me?” And I wait for her answer, and despite my fears, fears that have hounded me for weeks (despite her father’s approval and assurances), she said “yes!”

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