pick a side or make a pair

there are things i haven’t mastered.

a few

like

laundry,

friends,

and forgiveness.

maybe even empathy.

like they all combine into a piece

of tangled rope,

not around my neck,

but inside of it.

thoughts get stuck

in the last couple of my ribs

and stay there for years.

eventually tension grows

stronger than the shell

of my marrow.

the way that baby-teeth fall out.

simply resulting in fairy-money

and adult aches.

my wisdom teeth came in

when i was ten.

no one

believed me

and nobody ever checked.

my jaw still experiences

the wave of torment,

at times.

for the nth time in my life

that my misery

was ignored.

like thinking of past nights

where i couldn’t sleep

as i stare at my ceiling,

unable to sleep.

the creeping ruminate that

i cannot convince myself the floor is cold.

the other times

when my feet feel colder,

my fight or flight instincts

take on an entirely different meaning.

i don’t know what,

or who,

is holding me back now.

they found a lump of fingernails

in my stomach.

each with different DNA coated underneath them.

every

single

one

of them.

ingested post-mortem.

they aren’t sure which is mine.

i wish they knew what my name meant,

the one

i chose, that is.

but there is not way

to say all who are sick.

there’s no way to lull them

from creating life

or

destroying it.

unless,

the blood is theirs.

 

– l.h.

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