Touch Deprivation

By Drea Agapius

Touch Deprivation: A lack of tactile stimulation. If continued for a sufficient length of time, it may lead to emotional disturbances such as personality disorders and social regression.

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It’s a painful feeling lying awake at night with a magnetic pull grasping at your skin.

Your blankets are warm but they offer no comfort to the icy chill in your bones.

It’s the empty feeling filling your chest as your heart sinks deeper and deeper. Throbbing, until all you can do is cry.

There’s a difference between being lonely and longing for physical contact, but there’s not a feeling lonelier than wanting a hug and not knowing who or how to ask for one.

There’s not a feeling colder than wanting someone’s fingertips to dance across your own when your hands are paralyzed from the frozen emptiness that constantly surrounds you.

No amount of scalding hot showers can stop the exasperating want for someone to casually lay their arm across your shoulders.

Not everyone who is touched starved desires a romantic motive behind it. Just as some people who are, do.

Not everyone can comfortably interact with their friends physically. Some people require a deep connection for any form of physical contact.

When you’re this way you can’t insouciantly lean into someone, just for the sake of relaxing. But if you could then maybe things would be different.

Maybe then your skin wouldn’t long for contact every time you’re alone.

Maybe then some nights your blanket would be warm enough to calm the cold of your bones.

Maybe then your heart would stop thrumming and sinking ever farther, finally putting an end to the trails of escaped tears.

Maybe then someone’s hands could be laying comfortingly on your waist instead of the flannel jacket that’s tied there.

 

 

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