To The Sun,
I find myself thinking about you at the weirdest times. It’s not even triggered by a memory anymore. Everything’s normal and then you’re suddenly the only thing I’m focusing on. The way you smile, the way you act, the way you talk. Just everything about you. From there, the gateway to the past is opened and I’m forcefully sucked into thinking about the way it used to be. Back before. Back when it was easy to joke around without nearly tripping the line. Back before I became the fearful one that ruined something we worked so hard to create. To this day it is my biggest regret. I never told you the real reason I guess, maybe because I didn’t know it at the time. Looking to the past from now, with twenty-twenty vision, the truth couldn’t be clearer; I was afraid to admit. Even more embarrassingly, I was too afraid to be in love with you. I am in love with you. You make my heart ache and my stomach flutter and all those sappy fairy-tale feelings that have no right to exist in the real world. You’re truly one of the only people I care about more than myself. It’s a shame I didn’t realize that before. Before when I’d purposely act a fool to see you laugh. The way your smile reaches your eyes, proof of happiness found in tears. Your eyes were the first thing I noticed about you. I bet that’s something you wouldn’t expect me to remember considering our track record with such things. I’ve never caved in to the ‘eyes are a window to the soul’ mumbo jumbo that tear-jerkers and romantics preach, but I do believe that your eyes are a reflection of you. Accepting, bewitching, soft, and endearing. Also intelligent, though we don’t always believe it. The eyes I love so much and used to find comfort in are now the ones I can barely meet without feeling a harrowing twang of guilt. You are everything to me and I wish I had proven that to you. But a wish doesn’t come true, and a wish won’t take me back to the start. Instead I sit here tonight writing to you a letter I’ll never send, knowing that I told you once that I didn’t know if I could love you. Now knowing just how fictitious that is. I’m in love with you, I have been since a time we were connected through song, and I will be until the tune ends.
Love, with the most heart-rending sincerity,